


Lock The Door

by orphan_account



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-22
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-09 15:30:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,179
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1147639
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A frerard.<br/>Frank doesn't want anyone to know where he lives. If they did they might come and visit. And he doesn't want anyone to come to his house. ever. But then this strange boy who wears more black than Frank does and likes the Misfits moves in next door. He tries to shut him out, but-</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Someone who wears more black then me

**Author's Note:**

> SO not very exciting at first, sorry. The chapter are kind of long. Hope you enjoy! :D

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An alarm clock breaks and Frank meets Gerard for the first time.

Frank P.O.V  
Shit. Shit shittity shit shit, shit shit. My fucking alarm clock broke. School already started and I only just woke up. Ms Walkers is gonna be so pissed. And that was bad since I really really wanted a perfect grade in her class.  
  
Cursewords streamed behind me as I tossed on clothes and stuff. For gods fucking sake, Ms Walkers class was going to be over by the time I got to school. No time to eat breakfast then. I skipped enough meals anyway one more couldn’t hurt me. Taking a deep breath I quietly opened my room door. Phew, no one. Mom was probably sleeping off her last high. Step into the hallway, grab my books, kick the trash aside, down the stairs and out the door. I let out the breath I’d be holding, glad nothing had happened. I walked carefully, the yard was a fucked up mess of knee-high grass and broken bottles and my sneakers were too ratty to deal with that crap.  
  
Our neighborhood was probably better than me and my mom deserved, our house being the shittiest on the street. Once it hadn’t been, and my dad had declared it perfect with a smile on his face. But that had been a long time ago. Back when I might’ve gotten a lift to school rather than running through february’s asthma-inducing smog. I could get a lift back with my friends I suppose, but I don’t exactly want them to know where I live. If they knew where I lived they might come around, and that would be bad.  
  
As slammed the garden gate behind me, I was surprised to see huge, white moving vans ahead of me. I’d known the house next to mine was for sale, but I hadn’t expected it to be bought this soon. Hopefully it will just be couple of old ladies who won’t pay attention to me except to gossip about what a bad kid I was. Of course, I thought as I spotted two boys getting into a beat up old car, that would be far too much to hope for. I ran fast, hoping they hadn’t spotted me. There was no other school to attend but the one i went to; Bellville High. Godammit, I’d have to get up earlier to avoid them now.  
  
\--X--  
  
When I stumbled up to my locker, breathless, I hadn’t expected to see someone at the locker next to mine. And of fucking course, it had to be one of my new neighbors.  
“Hi” he said. He was too new to know that acknowledging my presence would mean an instant beating. So I did him a favor and ignored him, grabbing my algebra textbook without comment. He seemed to not get the point and tried again.  
“He-Hello? are you deaf?” Was he that stupid? But he still didn’t give up, reaching out to touch me on the shoulder. The naive fucker. I spun to face him, grinding my teeth together in annoyance as I hit his arm away.  
“Don’t fucking talk to me and don’t fucking touch me. I’m not fucking deaf! Jesus, how idiotic are you? Get the message: Go. The. Fuck. Away.”  
Here I was saving his ass by bothering to speak and all he did was look hurt. Sure I’d snapped, but only a little, and at least he wouldn’t find himself kissing fists when the jocks came around. I sped off towards my class. Arriving late had the little plus of not fighting your way tooth and claw through hundreds of students. Or at least it should have had, but I ran straight into someone. As I looked up from where I’d fallen, I got the distinct impression of someone tall, dark and dangerous. I mean everyone was tall and dangerous when compared to me, but most people couldn’t pull off wearing more black than me. I didn’t want to be sitting on my ass in front of this guy. He might be someone who actually knew what the Misfits were.  
  
I’d scrambled to my feet but he was still a fair bit taller than me. He had longish black hair that looked kind of unwashed and a shirt that fit the same description. THE SHIRT SAID MISFITS. OH MY FUCKING GOD. I swear I was about to start screaming like a fourteen year old girl. I started hopping up and down, jittery whenever I got excited about something.  
“THE MISFITS! YOU LIKE THE FUCKING MISFITS! OH DEAR GOD YOU’RE AN ANGEL SENT TO SAVE ME FROM THIS UNEDUCATED HELL!”  
I think he was a little weirded out by me to say the least. He started laughing though, a sort of low giggle-snort-mwahahaha noise. I must have misjudged the guy from my locker, since this guy was the other one of my new neighbors and had so far seemed fucking awesome. The dude stopped laughing, but he still looked like he might crack up at any second.  
“You really like the Misfits huh?”  
I nodded excitedly. If I was a dog I think my tail would have wagged so hard it would fall off. The dark boy grinned.  
“Same. My names Gerard. I like the Misfits, Black Flag, The Smashin’ Pumpkins, and comics. What about you?”  
I smiled like a maniac. Thankyou god for sending me this sassy badass angel.  
“SAME SAME SAME AND SAME! I’m Frank, by the way. Your new right? Do you need help finding anything?”  
I Probably shouldn’t have offered help seeing as how late I was running, but well, this Gerard guy was awesome.  
“Nice to meet ya Frank, And yeah, do you know where this locker is? I’m looking for my little brother.”  
He showed me a piece of paper with a locker number on it. The locker next to mine’s number.  
“Oh, so that kid was your brother. I may ah, have been a little rude to him. You should warn him to not talk to kids like me, that’s worth a beating in this school.”  
Gerard looked a little, well shocked, but the bell rang and I didn’t have much time to delay.  
“Just round that corner and you should find him, unless I’ve delayed you too much. Gotta run now, bye awesome guy!”  
I hadn’t said that last bit to his face, merely yelled it over my shoulder as I scarpered.


	2. Hypocrite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The jewfro, the silence and the contradictions.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if Rays hair is actually a jewfro, I just like the word. eheheh... sorry.  
> do I need disclaimers? If I do here they are:  
> I do not own any character but ms Walkers. I own the story.  
> This is total fiction (sadly).  
> again, sorry bout the length.

Gerard P.O.V  
That kid was frikin’ hyper. Short little kid, but good taste in music. Seemed pretty decent and my type of guy. I hadn’t had a good look at him though, he’d been practically vibrating.  
“Was that Frank Iero talking? Man, You’ve gotta be a magician or something.”  
I jumped, startled by the voice right beside my ear. Behind me stood a tall, stocky kid with a total Jewfro. It was a pretty awesome Jewfro.  
“Oops, sorry to startle you. But seriously, how’d you get him to talk? I’ve known him for like two years and not heard him speak that much in a month!”  
“S’okay I was just a little dazed. And what are you talking about? He was hyperactive and chattering away like crazy after he saw my Misfits shirt.”  
The face under the Jewfro looked at me strangely. Then shrugged.  
“I never knew he liked the Misfits. I guess I’ve never really talked to him about them. Him being silent and all. Anyway, the names Ray. You should sit with us at lunch.”  
I stared at him after he walked away, he was a pretty nice guy. Whatever, at least I had someone to sit with. And with that I turned away to find either Mikey or my class. Whichever turned up first.  
  
\--X--  
  
Frank P.O.V  
Class was painful. The faded bruise on my cheek hurt from speaking so much this morning, and I’d stayed up all night reviewing the paper I had due in. I’d doze, but I needed a scholarship for college. At last the bell finally rang for lunch and I began to gather my stuff. Slowly, I might add. Today was hamburgers and I had no need to brave the rush for a lunch I wouldn’t even eat. Being a vegetarian in this school was sometimes good, as all the people who were normally architects of my living hell got distracted by that thing called meat. I laughed quietly at the picture of all the cheerleaders stuffing themselves on those nameless lumps of matter. Then I frowned.  
  
There was something wrong at my lunch table. It was almost filled up. normally it was me, Ray and Bob. Just us freaks sitting all alone. But today there was a girl. And the two boys from next door; Gerard and his bro. I sat down slowly, a little offset by the presence of these new people. Sure, Gerard was cool, but I didn’t know about the others. Bob, who’s this hulking blonde skater kid, glanced at the girl anxiously then leaned across Ray so he could speak to me.  
“That’s Kaitlin. She’s my girlfriend, she’s gonna sit with us from now on, kay?”  
I nodded, and he took this for some reason as an incentive to talk more.  
“You know the other two right? Ray said so. he said you talked to Gerard!”  
I shrugged. My mouth was worn out whether or not I wanted to talk more. Bob seemed to be hoping for a little more, but he eventually shrugged and sat down. I noticed Gerard staring, but I didn’t want to be dragged into a conversation, even if it was about the Misfits. So instead I looked at his brother, who was actually eating the school lunch. He was so skinny I figured him to be the type that hardly ate. The brother glanced at me, but he seemed kinda nervous, probably ‘cuz of my outburst this morning. Poor kid.  
“Sorry.”  
The whole table looked at me. I shrugged and spoke more pointedly to the brother.  
“About this morning. Sorry. Try not to get beaten up.”  
“Th-thats alright. Gerard told me wh-what you were trying to say.”  
He had quite a magnificent stutter, but that may have been because of the table looking at us. I felt kind of annoyed with myself. I had been trying to avoid a conversation. Now my bruise hurt. I turned away from them all, hating myself for being a hypocrite. Hating myself for not talking to Gerard more.  
  
Gerard P.O.V  
The Frank at lunch was not the same excited kid I’d met this morning. He was quiet, and his gaze didn’t even flicker as it passed over my t-shirt. He said sorry to Mikey and that was it. He was still hyper, some part of him moving every two milliseconds, but he seemed down. There was a fading bruise on his cheek I hadn’t noticed this morning. The guys had seemed excited when he had spoken but shrugged when he had shut up. This was normal behaviour, apparently. I didn’t like it but at least now I could look at him. He had a black ruffled/mohawk/fringe thing going on. and a lip-ring and several ear piercings. And that lean, semi-muscled small bod? I could totally hit that. Yeah, I’m gay, and yeah I think he was kinda hot. He seemed a bit younger than me though and I felt a bit creeperish. After all, he was probably straight. I’d seen him this morning I think. He’d been running really late for school, and had run out of that dead-beat sort of house next to us. Now I looked closer, his shirt and jeans were pretty far gone. And his shoes looked like they’d risen from the grave. But I guess its not exactly something I can ask about. It was only when lunch had ended that I realized neither him nor I had eaten.  
  
I was still thinking about him after lunch ended. The more I thought about it, The more skinny I realized Frank looked. The more beaten down. I wished I could talk to him again, but I was a junior and he was a freshman. I wanted to see that inane grin again. It was as contradictory as the rest of him, too large for his face but suiting him perfectly. So hyper but so quiet.


	3. Its Been 8 bitter years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gerard and Mikey know where Frank lives. when they come over his home situation is a bit worse than they expected. Frank does the only thing he knows; shuts them out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah I wrote most of this after 2am so it might be a little messed up more than its meant to be.  
> If you read all of this, THANKS!  
> I think there are maybe 3 more chapters to go? Idk how much I'll write yet.  
> ~(>.

Frank P.O.V  
Gerard remembered what house I came out of. Shit. He cornered me at the end of school, asking if I wanted a lift. I said yes, but only because of the looks some idiots were giving me. Not because I wanted to talk to him again or anything like that.  
  
Gerard’s brother was called Mikey, it turned out. And Mikey also had awesome taste in music. It was pretty fun to hear them bickering back and forth about which song was better and was the bass on this album improved from the one before. Mikey apparently played bass.  
“Oh, yeah Frank, Ray was telling me how he liked the Misfits too, he never knew you liked them!” I snapped my head around, his voice loud ‘cuz of the stereo. Then when I realized what he’d said he surprised me out of silence.  
“What!?”  
The bastard actually smirked.  
“You heard me. Your friends like the Misfits too, you just apparently never bothered to find that out.”  
Fuck him. What does he know? Its not like I havent talked to Ray and Bob. I’ve just been a bit too busy being hit and hurt to ask them about things that are not obvious. Too busy making sure my sleeves were long enough to hide my scars. And I couldn’t just tell them about the cd’s and posters in my room. They would want to come see, and I could never let anyone in. Never. I had to keep them all out. Even the fucking sassy Gerard. I especially had to lock him out. I turned away from his smirk, watching it fade out of the corner of my eye. Fuck him. It wasn’t his business. It was cool of him to tell me, but that couldn’t make me talk too much more.  
“Gerard! that was pretty uncalled for!”  
I looked up. Mikey was glaring at Gerard. Gerard’s face fell.  
“yeah I guess… Mikey’s right. I’m sorry. That was stupid.” His eyes searched for mine desperately in the windshield mirror. I turned away and shrugged. We were almost at our street anyway. My nerves hummed, I couldn’t wait to get out of this car.  
  
The moment the car stopped I muttered a thanks and jumped the garden wall so I wouldn’t have to slow down. It might give Gerard time to try to talk to me again. I got inside, my nose scrunching up at the all too familiar smell of crack. I sighed. My day dealing with people was over but my time dealing with her wasn’t. She was sitting on the couch, smoking and laughing this stupid pot laugh. Her hair was greasy and tangled, her bathrobe limp and stained. Endless bottles covered pretty much every surface in the living room. God I hated my mother.  
  
She stared at me and giggled again.  
“Hehehe. My lo-ovely little darling is back, are you gonna, gonna give me a kiss? haheeheha”  
Her sing-song voice dribbled lazily out of her mouth as she leaned forward, making a sloppy kiss-kiss motion. Drool landed on the floor and she giggled again. Then she started crying.  
“Not kissing me! Bad boy, stupid boy! leaving me, your own, own mother!”  
she sort of fell over, but then just picked up a glass bottle and began toying with it. She hiccupped and began giggling again.  
“Catch this little fucking bo-oy!”  
I Tried to dodge, but her throw was damn accurate for a fucking drugged up drunk having emotional highs. It hit my arm and then shattered on the floor at my feet as I staggered back into the wall behind me. Mom began to get angry. Her face going purplish and broken veins showing up. She’d once been beautiful. but now that and her kind, smiling expressions had been faded away by time and drugs. Its been 8 bitter years that I’ve been seeing the face she shows me now. The one that switched between anger, hurt and disappointment, but that always flickered over madness. I slid down the wall. Not point trying to stop the inevitable. I might be able to overpower her, but she had the heavy glass bottle and didn’t care if she hurt me, where as I couldn’t hurt her. She used to be my mom, even if she wasn’t anymore. The first hit hurt the most, and I think I might have screamed. But that was okay, ‘cuz everything felt fuzzier after that and I couldn’t bring myself to care when she hit me with the bottle again. Even though it was jagged and bit deep into my skin.  
“You fucking demon! Where’s my son? Stupid son! I need to punish him!”  
You always forgets who I am.  
Hit.  
“Fucking evil son of a bitch! You ruined my life!”  
You said you were so happy I was born.  
Hit.  
“DIE just fucking die! I hate you! Fucking fag!”  
I love you.  
Hit.  
“Fucking worthless pig! Waste of fucking space is what you are!”  
No I’m not, mom.  
Hit.  
“Stupid, Fucking-”  
The doorbell rings. Mom’s face changes into a calm mask and she puts the bottle down. I stay slumped against the living room wall. Lots of things hurt. I feel bad for the wall. It has lots of my blood on it.  
“We’re Frank’s friends from school. Is he in?”  
Fuck, Gerard!?  
“Yeah, we wanted to do homework with him!”  
Mikey too. Can’t let them in, can’t let them see.  
“He’s not feeling very well. I’m afraid you’ll have to talk to him a school tomorrow”  
They’re trying to push past her. Fuck. They can see me where I am now.  
“please we’ll just be really quick, we promise we won’t disturb him!”  
I try to stand up, telling myself its not as bad as its feels. I edge toward the doorway, I just have to make it to the stairs. My foot taps impatiently, waiting for my body to catch up. Shit, stop it foot!  
but its too late, the motion caught Gerard’s eye and he stares at me in shock. I must look like shit, but now’s not the time to worry about that. I have to get away. I have to shut them out. I begin to run, ignoring the corner of my brain that is screaming. As long as no one sees it will be okay. Mom won’t be hurt.  
“Frank!”  
I keep climbing the stairs as fast as I can  
“Stop! You’re hurt!”  
I see him push past mom out of the corner of my eye, but I’m almost at my room. I see Mikey say something disgustedly to my mom as he follows Gerard up the stairs. I shut and lock the door to my room. Beyond the heavy footsteps I hear my mom crying.  
“Frank!”  
There’s pounding on the door.  
“FRANK! Please!”  
I really do love her. She was a great mom, its not her fault.  
“Frank, open up, come on.”  
I don’t know which voice is which anymore. My head kind of hurts. So does my chest. I think I’m crying.  
“Mikey, call 911, he was hurt!”  
Or I might be screaming. Wait, that might be someone else. I’m not very sure of anything anymore.  
“Just hold on Frank okay? Please don’t die on me!”  
That voice sounds sad. I wonder why, after all I'm worthless. There’s a surprising amount of red, I wonder where it came from? Everything is soaked in the dye. There are more footsteps on the stairs.  
“MIKEY! Help me open the door!”  
What door? Everything has disappeared. It’s all black and red. There’s a crash, and I feel as if thunder shakes my bones.  
“Oh god, Oh Frank! Please be alive!”  
Of course I’m alive, silly. Its you who’re in trouble. You’re floating away and its getting harder to hear your voice.  
  
For a while there’s sirens and shit. Then I hear one last thing.  
“I love you, Frank. Please don’t leave.”


	4. what makes you, you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the hospital Gerard finds unicorns, elephants and troubles.

Gerard P.O.V  
I sat in the ambulance, holding Franks limp hand. When I’d seen him, bloody beyond recognition and edging towards the stairway I had been afraid. So fucking afraid. When we had kicked down the door to find him lying on a red-soaked bedspread, lifeless, I think my heart had stopped. I would’ve killed myself or fainted or something stupid like that if Mikey hadn’t been there. God I don’t know what Mikey had done to deserve a big brother like me, but he sure was doing his penance pretty damn well.

When we got to the hospital Mikey sat with me in the waiting room. He was doodling a unicorn on my arm while I sat white-faced and pale, waiting for Frank to wake up. Unicorns were the only things Mikey could draw, and if he drew one on you it generally was his way of saying “Lookee here, there’s a unicorn! That means everything is going to be alright.”  
It was one of the things that made him awesome in my opinion. He always knew what might cheer me up. Once he was done though, we sat in an awkward silence. he was fidgeting almost as much as Frank did and I wondered what was up.  
“What do you think about Ray’s hair?”  
I looked up at him in disbelief. Our nextdoor neighbor who we had gone to visit with the gift of cupcakes was currently in emergency care, and my brother was asking me about Ray’s hair. To be honest, he seemed to be seriously asking. I could tell by the way his eyebrows and the corners of his mouth were twitched down in concentration. I thought about it for a second. Ray was a pretty decent guy, and I think Mikey had a thing for uncooperative hair. And I was in no position to lecture him about falling in love within a day of meeting someone. If Ray messes with Mikey, he’s going down but so long as he’s a gentleman it’s harmless, I suppose.  
“Ray’s hair is pretty cool.”  
Mikey looked up at me hopefully.  
“I-I really like it. Do you think Ray, Ray minds that I like it? I really kind of li-like Ray too…”  
Mikey was still looking at me for approval, but now with a blush spreading across his face. Mikey blushed. He actually blushed. MIKEY FUCKING POKERFACE WAY BLUSHED. WHEN TALKING ABOUT SOMETHING THAT WASN’T UNICORNS. He was head over heels for Ray. Or Ray’s Jewfro, depending on which way you looked at it. And he decided to confess this to me while I was in the middle of an emotional crisis. I groaned, massaging my temples. Fuck Frank, they said you’re going to live but I still miss you. I’m so screwed up without you.

Frank P.O.V  
There was beeping. And, by the smell of it, lots of antiseptic. I opened my eyes. And then I immediately closed them again. Fuck light, it hurt. My head hurt a lot too, but that pain was deeper and less sharp. A lot of me hurt but it seemed pretty bearable. I pushed myself into a sitting position, my eyes tightly closed.  
“Frank! Jesus, lay down!”  
Gerard. Gerard was here. I think thats a good thing.  
“I’m fine.”  
“Yeah right.” He snorted “You look like death warmed up.”  
“Fuck you, I do not.”  
“Fuck yourself, you totally do.”  
I cracked an eye and looked down at myself. There were a lot of stitches.  
“Okay maybe I do.” I conceded, closing my eye again and falling back onto the white pillow. “This is a hospital, isn’t it?”  
“Yeah.”  
“Where’s the doctor?” Then a thought suddenly struck me. “And where’s my mom? We can’t afford hospital bills!” I tried to get up again, but Gerard’s beautiful, pale hands gently pushed me down.  
“You seem to be forgetting, you have two very good friends.”  
“But-”  
“No buts. It’s all being taken care of, okay? Now just lay back and let Ray and Bob yell at you.”  
“Yell at me!? But-”  
“I SAID NO BUTS. And yes, yell at you. They deserved to know what was going on with you. Speaking of which, you’re talking an awful lot.”  
I shut my mouth guiltily, feeling a heat rising in my cheeks. Gerard didn’t say anything more and an awkward silence settled as we waited for Ray and Bob. Both of us were very conspicuously not talking about the elephant in the room; the reason for me being in the hospital in the first place.

\--X--

After a while Mikey entered the room, followed closely by Bob and Ray. Ray’s hand brushed Mikey’s by accident, and Mikey full on blushed. So did Ray. Hmmm. I didn’t have much more time to wonder about their relationship though, ‘cuz Ray had turned to me, and yeah I could see yelling in store.  
“Why didn’t you tell us Frank? Why didn’t you talk to us!?”  
I stayed stubbornly silent, turning my newly-opened eyes away from him. I knew I had nothing to say back.  
“Aren’t we you fucking friends!? Or are we just nothing? You told Gerard more about yourself in your first meeting than you’ve ever told me!”  
I glanced back guiltily, and saw sadness in his and Bob’s eyes. Gerard was silent. I wanted to say something. I wanted to talk. But I couldn’t find any words to speak with.  
“Oh god Frank, I don’t want to yell but just please, couldn’t you talk to us once? We just want to know how long this-” He gestured at the scars me and Gerard had tactfully avoided “- has been going on.”  
Shit. He was almost crying. I wanted to break down and cry too, but I wasn’t sure... I don’t know! My eyes stung. I really did want to talk to them.  
“Please Frank?” Bob broke in. I kept my head down, hiding the tears that had begun to drip.

Gerard P.O.V  
“Eight years…”  
Frank spoke quietly, delicately, catching Ray off-guard. There was a shocked sort of silence, and Ray looked like he was doing the mental equivalent of standing on one leg. Mikey reached over and gripped Ray’s hand. Bob held his breath.  
“Eight years ago… Eight years ago Dad died. It was Lung cancer that got him. Mom was haunted by the way he had faded into a shell of himself during those last years. I don’t really think she could cope with his death, since her parents had died only the year before. She seemed to find comfort in the drugs and the alcohol. I tried to stop her once or twice, but she didn’t care about hitting me. So I guess I just lived with it. I made sure no one knew where I lived ‘cuz, well, what happened with Mikey and Gerard could’ve happened.”  
He turned, his glowing hazel eyes staring straight at me.  
“I never wanted mom to get hurt or go to jail. I could bear whatever she hit me with because it was a penance for not stopping her when I could. For not comforting her and being a better son.”  
His eyes were scarily focused for someone with a concussion. He finally looked away from me, back towards the others.  
“All I could do was shut you out. Sorry.”

Frank said sorry like it would make it all okay. But I could see in Ray’s and Bob’s eyes only confusion and hurt. Frank didn't seem to know it, but he'd shut them out more effectively than ever after showing them that little glimpse of himself. But, well, not understanding that was one f the things that made him Frank I guess. It was hard to admit it but I might not have fallen for him if I didn't see darkness inside of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> GHH not the best chapter, I know. The ending kind of sucked too. (but I hope u like it anyway)  
> it possibly is a little weird because I got a concussion today, but wanted to write this and post it now since I have school starting again and a lot of homework to catch up.  
> THANKYOU for reading it!  
> All your quirks, all your problems, even your depressions and failures, that's what makes you, you.  
> \- Gerard Way


	5. We were kids just yesterday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluffishness. Gerard finds it hard t control himself around a vulnerable frank.

I was sick of it. Frustrated at Frank’s social ineptness and at Ray’s anger and life in general. There was going to be more yelling soon, and I didn’t want that. Frank looked close to crying and both Mikey and me were nervous. I had to stop it from escalating. I looked at Mikey. Mikey looked at me and raised an eyebrow.  
 _you sure you really, you know, think this is the right time?_  
I nodded.  
 _I think so. Probably?_  
He rolled his eyes and I winced.  
 _I find it hard to trust your judgement, but whatever._  
I rolled my eyes.  
 _Its not like you’re not gonna have fun with Ray._  
His eyebrows shot up and he blushed a bit before flipping me off. It was a definite I-will-kill-you-later But I just shrugged.  
 _You know its true._  
He flipped me off again. Ray looked at us worriedly for a bit, but was distracted from turning back to Frank by Mikey dragging him out of the room. Bob followed after them, but more hesitantly. He really cared for Frank. I felt selfish for a second, but then I didn’t care. I liked being selfish.  
  
“Gerard… Gee?”  
I swear my neck cracked, I whipped my head round so fast. He was sitting with his knees up to his chin, agile fingers picking at his toes. His eyes were a little red from emotion and his face was just so delicate and vulnerable, oh god I felt like such a pervert. The way his hair curled enticingly over his eye, I wanted to stroke it, to feel him flush against my chest.  
  
I hesitantly reached forward, brushing the hair out of his eyes. Secretly reveling in the soft touch of his skin.  
“How are, how are you feeling Frank?”  
He leaned into my hand a bit, seeming to come undone at the edges.  
“I’m tired. So tired.”  
His voice was rough. I didn’t say anything about the tears I felt drip from his lashes as he nuzzled my hand.  
“You were pretty brave, Frankie. I did warn you they were gonna yell.”  
“It’s okay. You were right, I kind of was an asshole, but I can’t change that and I don’t know what they expect me to  _do_  except apologize.”  
I moved my arm from his face to his shoulder and pulled him closer.  
“You could start by telling them what it is she’s actually done to you, how about that?”  
“But Gee-” There it was again, that adorable nickname “-I’m scared.”  
“shhh. It’s okay. They really care about you. I can see it and I only just met them today.”  
He put his head on my shoulder and just sighed. He smelled, good. I don’t know how else to describe it. It was like salty sunshine mixed with the sweet smell of alcohol. A little weird, but good. I edged in so I was closer, but this only resulted on his bony elbow digging into my stomach. I tried to scoot sideways but his elbow only dug in further.  
“Fuck.” I muttered. He looked up at me, a small frown of confusion on his perfect, messed up face. You can’t blame me for not being able to hold back. He was fucking  _gorgeous_. The cool of his lip-ring surprised me, but I found it kind of hot. I was kissing  _Frank_. His lips were moist and salty. That was probably the blood, but shit, I don’t care.  
  
I pulled away, licking my lips nervously. He looked like a deer caught in the headlamps, frozen in shock. I pushed him off my chest and clumsily tried to stand up.  
“I- Uhm, I know its a little soon, I mean, I only met you today- but, um, I really kind of like you.”  
I stuttered, he was probably weirded out. He seemed to wake up from a dream and gazed at me dazedly.  
“Shit Gerard.”  
“What?”  
He grabbed my jacket and attempted to kiss me. The first one landed on my eyelid, but he tried again and hit the corner of my mouth. My arms hit the bed behind him and I bit his lower lip, gently. My cheeks flushed as his fingers curled in his hair and he melted against me. I slid my tongue into his mouth, heat and fucking  _Frank_  making me dizzy. But then he peeled off of me and leaned back against the bed panting.  
“Shit Frank! I’m so sorry, are you hurt?”  
He nodded, just a little. But then he glanced around nervously and leaned closer, as if to tell a secret.  
“Um. IthinkI’mgayandIlikeyou.”  
He said it with such hesitant, sweet sincerity that I burst out laughing.  
“You say that  _after_  we make out?”  
“Oh shut up. This is a first for me. And I wasn’t expecting it after all that just happened.”  
He glared at me, but the atmosphere had become serious again.  
“I really am sorry Frank. I should’ve, I don’t know but I just wish I could’ve gotten there sooner.”  
“You’re an idiot.” His voice was soft but angry. “Ray was right, I should’ve said something. That could’ve helped my mom more than whatever-the-fuck I was doing.”  
I reached out and snagged his small hipbones, trying to hug him without jarring his various bruises.  
“Oh Frank..” My voice caught. I was tearing up. so damn uncool gerard, so damn uncool.  
He just snuggled closer though. I put my chin on top of his head, squeezing him reassuringly.  
“Its not your fault, and this is totally inappropriate since I only met you yesterday, but I promise to protect you, okay?”  
“We were totally just making out. It’s not more inappropriate than that.”  
“Oh shut up.” I hissed into his hair. He tilted his head up, looking up at me happily.  
“Thanks, Gee.” he whispered back. I held him for just a little while longer before pulling back. He smiled, light dancing in his mischievous eyes.  
“Can we go back to that make-out session?”  
I was sorely tempted to say yes, but I didn’t want to accidently hurt him. I sighed.  
“Not until you heal.”  
He frowned up at me, his tongue spinning his lip-ring. Responsibility sucked. I sighed again and helped him sit up.  
“Come on, you still need to properly talk to the others. Not just give them a glimpse and shut them out.”  
He rolled his eyes comically and mirrored my dramatic sigh.  
“Fiiine.”  
I smiled and grabbed hold of his hand. I was glad he was in a better mood.  
“See? It’s not going to be quite so much a disaster as five minutes ago.”  
“Fuck you and your bi-polar weirdness.”  
Laughing I kissed the top of his nose. I felt like I’d known him forever. We’d been kids just yesterday, but I felt like a lifetime had passed since then. I was kind of a weird feeling.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I just realized how cliche this was. Even through you people who read it and liked it don't seem to mind it, I'm going to try and make it a little less cliche-y if I can.  
> I kind of like this chapter (probably because I actually proof-read it and didn't write it at 1am but, hey, whats a girl to do?) so I'm going to try to put more quality into my work and spend a little more time reviewing from now on. There will be more frerard-iness in the next chapter too. I know its a little late in the story even through only one day passed.


	6. If I Break

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Polar opposite of last chapter.

Frank P.O.V

It had been two months since the, ah, incident. I was still pretty screwed up mentally but Gerard helped me cope, pulling me from the brink on a daily basis. He had gotten me speaking with Ray and the others on a normal basis and I could pretend to be normal. But sometimes I think his helping hurt me. I would feel on top of the world (GERARD IS KISSING ME), and then something would happen and suddenly I would be begging to die or crying uncontrollably. Dealing with the mood swings hurt me, and it hurt him. I hate remembering the face he made when he found me curled up on the floor, the start of a suicide note in my hand. It had been dark and closed off, he’d scared the living shit out of me with his quiet, crazily calm demeanour.

I was scared. I was living with him, and he cared about me and I loved him, wanted to make him happy for it, but all I could do was mess him up. I had hurt, Mikey, him, Ray and Bob so badly. I didn’t deserve to live.

I also didn’t deserve to get kicked out of highschool.  
“But- But I have almost perfect grades! You can’t fucking do this!”  
“Mr.Iero, I’m afraid I can and will. You’ve been absent for almost a month and have been causing disruptions in class. I can’t put all my students at risk just because of one person, Mr.Iero.”  
Fuck it, she wasn’t even pronouncing my name right. I stared at her with desperate eyes, chewing on my lip so hard it began to bleed.  
“Please, I’m really not a danger to other students! I haven’t done anything.”  
“You may not be a physical danger, but you are a danger to our learning environment and our student’s mentalities.”  
“That’s total bullshit! Most of them don’t give a rat's ass about me, and the ones that do were fucked up before they met me.”  
“Mr.Iero! swearing is certainly not helping your case.”  
My hands curled tightly into fists at my sides, my breathing becoming heavier as I fought a rising tide of anger. I bit down even harder on my lip, liking the pain.  
“You gave me the impression there wasn’t even a case. I’m just kicked out, left for the dogs and that’s it. I’m nothing to you aren’t I?” I spoke tightly, my eyes prickling with hurt and… And a little sadness.  
“Of course you aren’t nothing! It’s just that sometimes we’re forced to make difficult choices and-”  
“Oh shut up. I know, I know, superiors yada yada yada. Can’t you do something for your fucking self!?”  
“If it were my choice I would’ve kept you in. But its the district superintendents choice, and I can’t overturn that no matter how much I want to, Mr. Iero.”  
I wanted to overturn the table or something, throw all the papers on the floor and beat my fists until I bled. But I didn’t. I just slumped back in my chair, letting my head loll back so I could stare at the ceiling. That fucking ugly ceiling. I wish it would break, along with everything else. Just crumble into dust so I couldn’t see it anymore. I imagined a wind sweeping through, blowing away all the people, all the dirty buildings and leaving nothing but golden dust motes where cities once stood.

When I opened my eyes though, everything still stood. I blinked and exhaled slowly, fancying that I could see my soul leaving my body. I sat up and looked at her, knowing it wasn’t her fault. It was this messed up shitty ass fucking society.  
“Are you alright Mr.Iero?”  
I laughed bitterly, twisting my lips into a pale ghost of a grin.  
“Yeah, I’ll be fine I guess. Thanks for giving me the news at least.”  
I shuffled out of the office, walking back down the halls. I tried to stand up straight, to put up some semblance of living. I’m not sure it worked.

\--X--

Mrs. Tenar, the principle, watched as Frank left the front doors. He looked broken, resigned to being nothing. She cursed loudly, leaning her head on the window. If he’d gotten angry, if he’d flipped the table or something it would’ve been easier to forget him, to not feel as guilty. But when she’d seen him try to smile, she’d wanted to cry. She slumped down against the wall, struggling with mixed emotions. She was a single mom, she couldn’t afford to lose her job. But she couldn’t just let it go after seeing Frank die inside like that. He’d been a good kid.  
She’d seen him hurt before, but he’d never broken. She rubbed her eyes tiredly.  
“Mrs. Tenar?”  
she straightened up in shock, she couldn’t let herself be seen like this.  
When she opened the door to talk to the secretary, she was smiling.  
"How may I help you?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the short boringish chapter, but its nessecary (how do you spell that? I always forget). I've been depressed lately and the story is going to reflect that mood probably. I also now have an Idea for how to continue this, so I'll actually update. How does staging a revolution sound?


	7. Snow is Coming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And what do I get, for my pain?

Gerard P.O.V  
  
I sang softly under my breath as I got out of the car, SP still singing through my blood even though the stereo was off.  
  
 _The world is a vampire, sent to drain  
Secret destroyers, hold you up to the flames  
And what do I get, for my pain?  
Betrayed desires, and a piece of the game  
_  
A little chill passed through me as I began to unlock the door, struggling with my keys. There was a sharp smell in the air. If scents had edges, this one was a razor blade. It was probably going to snow. On some days in early winter, you could tell when snow was coming just by that strange quality of the air. It took my breath away whenever I stopped to think about the metaphor of it. I was kinda crazy for metaphors.  
  
 _Even though I know - I suppose I'll show  
All my cool and cold - like old job  
  
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage  
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage  
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved  
Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage_  
  
Out of the wind with the door safely closed behind me, it was peaceful. Being a senior who had already gotten into an art college was useful. No one was really bothered about me skipping, and so long as I kept my GPA up I was fine. I hadn’t talked to Frank about me going to college, he’s got enough shit to deal with, what with his mom in and out of jail. I stopped humming, reveling in the quiet. The house is empty - right?  
 _  
Now I’m naked, nothing but an animal  
_  
There was a weird snuffly noise coming from upstairs. I started up the steps. It was probably an open window. But mom would kill me if I left that open. As I got the closer though, it sounded human. Oh fuck. Bathroom? No. Spare bedroom. I knew Frank would be there even before I opened the door.  
  
 _But can you fake it, for just one more show?  
And what do you want?  
I want to change  
And what have you got, when you feel the same?  
_  
Midday light illuminated a small curled up body. Frank was holding himself and rocking back and forth, soft cries muffled by already soaked jacket sleeves. I was relieved, there was no blood, no knives and no notes. But somehow that made it almost worse. Kneeling slowly, I edged closer.  
“Frank?”  
A tiny, breathy sound escaped his lips. Like a dying animal. Scraped knees covered by ripped jeans were held by wiry, black jacketed arms. I laid a hand on his shoulder, gently, feeling like I’d scare him off.  
“Hey, darling, what’s wrong?”  
He hugged his knees tighter, eyes hidden behind tumbled locks. I settled myself in front of him, leaning closer and pulling his arms apart. He hardly even tried to resist, but he still didn’t react. A trickle of blood ran down his chin.  
“Frank!?”  
He opened his mouth as if to speak, but instead blood flowed out. Calm. I have to stay calm. I crouched lower and carefully opened his jaw. He made no protest and his eyes were vacant even though he was conscious.  
“Jesus motherfucking bloody christ.”  
His tongue looked as if he’d tried to bite it off. Several times. And it didn’t even seem purposeful, like he wasn’t trying to kill himself. He’d just had too many emotions. I pulled him into an embrace.  
“Oh god, Frank.”  
  
 _Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage_  
 _Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage_  
 _Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved_  
 _Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage_  
  
 _\--X--_  
  
I’d stopped the bleeding by gently shoving a towel in his mouth. He hardly fucking blinked. It was scary, over the past few weeks I’d gotten used to him talking more, moving his hands more. Now he just sat there and blanked it all out. It really really hurts, to see someone like that. Just a burned out lightbulb where a person used to be. I gnawed on my thumb, anxiously. I’m not violent (I swear), but I felt like punching something. Hard. And preferably that something would be whatever did this to Frank.  
 **Mikey?**  
He’s in school, but he always checks his phone. Just in case it’s a chick.  
 **Wat G?  
Frnks not gd**  
There was a moment of silence, then the phone buzzed again.  
 **B right there**  
I sighed and dropped the phone. I'm stupid and useless, having to rely on my baby brother in a crisis godammit. No wonder I couldn't help Frank more. Roughly I shoved the hair out of my eyes, it never actually stayed back, but who fucking cares? Well actually I did care, it was annoying as hell. But that's beside the point. Frank didn't care. Frank was broken, and I needed to fix that. I needed to stay on task. Okay.  
...  
Fuck this.  
I put both hands on his shoulders, my nose almost touching his. Normally he would be grinning as he leaned up towards me, invisible tail wagging maniacally. Unless he was distracted of course. When he was talking about Princess Leia he missed all the cues and it took something pretty damn close to a handjob to grab his attention again. I wanted that Frank back.  
  
I wanted the fucking Frank that wrote notes but never committed suicide. I don't like not getting what I want.  
  
I fucking love you Frank.  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OH MY GOD I HAVEN'T UPDATED FOR A LONG LONG TIME IF YOU'RE READING THIS ON A03 I'M SO SORRY REALLY REALLY SORRY  
> This is short, I've got a bunch written actually, I just haven't looked over it yet. :/  
> THANKS FOR READING  
> everyone knows who princess leia is, right?  
> oh, and the song is bullet with butterfly wings by the smashing pumpkins. I was watching the welcome to the black parade behind the scenes and the song was mentioned and yeah.


	8. Broken, Empty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Looking when you're lost

Frank P.O.V  
  
Breathing hurt, but mildly. Like a chilli pepper had gone down the wrong way. It sounded like someone else was having trouble with the same chilli, but it wasn't me. The voice was disconnected, sounding a little lost. I felt like comforting the voice, it sounded like a puppy. A baby pug. They sounded like that, all breathy and crying. This one was searching for someone, crying out but only managing to make stupid little panting moans. I felt an urge to hug it, tell it everything was alright even though that probably wasn’t true.  
  
Hugging it involved finding it right? I couldn’t find it with my eyes closed. I opened my eyes. Or, I would've, but there didn't seem to be eyes to open. There was just nothingness. It wasn't a void. There was nothing for there to be an absence of. It threw me off kilter, 'cuz I mean like, what the fuck. Had there been anything but this? I tried to think but I couldn't. Patchy feelings, snippets of a life seemed to flow past me, a something within nothing. Oh yeah. The school. Everything had turned to dust then? No. I'd walked... Home maybe. Home meant hurt though. I didn't feel pain. I hoped Gerard wouldn't find me again. I didn't want to cause him more pain.  
  
Suddenly the pug cried out pathetically, right next to my ear. I tried to flinch, but flinch from what? To where? How? There was no depth, no orientation. My head hurt and things spun. No. I, what? who- me. where, gone. no. end. no. Empty.  
Empty.  
Everything was empty.  
Gone.  
Except for a shadow. It was there, and had always been there, but hadn't been there a second ago. It got brighter, stark against a light background as the space around me began to fill.  
  
Shadow, in front.  
Table, beside.  
The room came into focus. There were walls and ceilings! And floors! Dear god, I'd never been so glad to see a piece of grey linoleum. I tried to get up, to kiss the faded beige paint and murmur sweet nothings to its solid, real, there, surface. The thing was, my legs didn't seem so eager to meet my new soulmate. They kinda of flopped rather than walked.  
  
I frowned when the shadow caught me. I was pretty sure shadows weren't solid. Not like walls. I gazed longing at the nearby baseboard. Wait- floors are solid too! I pushed off the arm holding and flopped gratefully down. Approximately five seconds into my acquaintance with the floor, I noticed three things.  
One, the floor smelled like cheesy feet and worse.  
Two, it wasn't exactly standard to wish to make out with walls.  
And Three, it wasn’t just a shadow.  
  
I looked up, haltingly, into Gerard's eyes. I was lying on fucking floor that smelled like a fungi hotub, and I had no idea how I'd gotten home. And, fuck, it felt like my tongue had been caught in a chainsaw. When I tried to speak, my eyes began to blur. A thousand words of pain were contained in the salt that coated my chin and mixed cocktails with the iron in my mouth.  
I wasn't supposed to let Gerard see me like this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I kind of like this chapter. I like writing dream like states. maybe I should be evil and make him fall into a coma or something... :D  
> ANYWAY super sorry again for the whole not updating thing to any of you that like this. same thing about my other stories too, ugh.  
> and, as usual, THANYKOU FOR READING  
> ~kudos's are cupcakes and comments are cakies~


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